You wanna be emo, you gotta get to know your ABCs. To some of us, it comes easy; and for the rest . . . Aww what’s the use?

Anyway, here goes:

A is for Alone—All Alone. Always. And complaining About how Absolutely Alone you Are.

B is for Bracelet; or any other kind of ornamental wrist adornment.

C is for Crying. Crying, Crying, and Caving in.

D is for Dyed Black Hair. And Deep Despair. Maybe emos DO have something to cry about.

E is for Extended Exaggeration of Every Emotion you have. And Eating disorder.

F is for FLOORPUNCH!

G is for Glasses with thick black square/horn rims.

H is for Heartbreak. boo Hoo.

I is for the Intense Internal pain you feel, and Itchy scarfs (even in summer).

J is for Jilted Lover. (“It’s not you, it’s me. No, really.”)

K is for Kissing and then whining about how much you’re not.

L is for Labeling yourself.

M is for Melodramatic Mood swings: My life sucks, I want to cry.

N is for Nobody understands. Napoleon Dynamite.

O is for Overwrought high-pitched song lyrics with inaudible guitar riffs

P is for People with a fake Personality.

Q is for Quagmire of tormented Questioning of your self worth.

R is for Ripped chucks, Remembering when things were wonderful, and then crying about how much your life sucks.

S is for Sadness, Sensitivity, Sobbing, and Self-mutilation.

T is for Thrift stores, Tight wool sweaters, Tighter jeans.

U is for Unrequited love. And Underdeveloped muscles, because you have to be out of shape in some way to be emo.

V is for Vicious cycle of the relentless and utter failing of humanity.

W is for Whining. Why is everything is so terrible? Why can’t your Well-off parents buy you the love you Want?

X is for X-girlfriends and the eXcruciating pain they bestow upon you.

Y is for Your miserable existence.

Z is for Zooming in on Zero.

Spacelocker: The Happiest Space On Earth

Allan Ross
The Spacelocker Fleet